Failure to Include Them Could Sabotage
Your Relationships and Even Your Life
Ask someone if they'd rather deal with all the anguish of a relationship gone sour, which can feel like being sucker-punched in the gut, or having their heart ripped out, or being hit with a brick bat, or keeping the relationship, a lot of people might chose to keep the relationship.
That's how much it can hurt. There's all that pain of loss, and then there's also all that self-doubt and recrimination: "Where did I go wrong?","What's the matter with me?", "I'll never succeed!" and on and on.
Add to all that the fact that one relationship going bad affects so many other ones. Because you were friends with the friends of your friend, or you were included in family get-togethers because of your relationship with the person with whom you cannot-now-be-with, out of respect for them, their friends and relations now start creating distance from you. It's enough to make you want to crawl into the fetal position and suck your thumb!
The short story is, we're best off to prevent this from happening in the first place as far as we are able. Yes, your social and emotional life can work well and proceed in a positive way, especially if you don't make these two of the most common mistakes.
While it's definitely true that the above outcome sometimes simply cannot be avoided, still, what can you do minimize the likelihood? The following are two key messages that summarize this.
Number One: Send the message to yourself (in service of your own emotional life) and to others you relate to, that it's OK to be connected, to be emotionally close, to share your true thoughts and feelings (in a kind and considerate way) both with yourself and for others to share theirs with you.
Number Two: Send the message, (again, both to yourself and to others), that it's OK to be separate, to be an individual person, to have your own wants, needs, your own life.
Source White Market